The modern world presents parents with exciting new challenges. Our parents didn’t have to deal with electric cars, next-day delivery, or the owners of both publicly fantasising about space colonies because they’ve already abandoned an injured Earth. When we were young imagination meant children playing with princesses and dragons, not billionaires believing they’ll be able to breathe bitcoin in an orbital tin can. Please enjoy these tips to parenting in modern climate.

• Every time you pack a sunhat include a raincoat and vice versa.
• When reading your baby any book mentioning the seasons do so in random order, shouting random words and occasionally throwing the book at them.
• A good raincoat and wellies are a great way to let children enjoy weather which, while not ideal, isn’t actively trying to kill them yet.
• Sunscreen. SUNSCREEN.
• Explain to your child that we got sick of the old seasons album so we put it on shuffle. Now it’s a techno remix and every time we burn coal it gets faster. When they ask what an “album” is take a moment to bask in memories of electricity. As an Elder this will help you look wise and that’s the only reason the young and capable members of the tribe still give you scraps of rat.